• Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
  • Friends: Don't forget to socialize
  • Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
  • Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
  • Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
  • Society: Don't forget to be perfect
  • Tumblr: Fuck the world, at least you haven't murdered somebody today
  • Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.

shak1ra:

redevoted:

bowserfucker:

oknope:

imagine reading a book of all the lies you’ve told 

IDK what kind of lives you all are leading, but this sounds like the boringest shit. “Yes I sent that email.” “Yeah, I like your outfit.” “I was sick.” “My mom said no” “No I wasn’t crying.” “Yes I read the Terms of Service”

what about a book of all the lies people have told you

Oh how the tables have tabled

Warning, the following is a graphic image:

rescuedbellsandmels:

image

If you adopt a stray, formerly chained adult male pit bull and bring him in your house do NOT let him around your kids. It is dangerous. He is going to want to cuddle all day. Your kids will stop listening to you because they are “busy loving Oscar”. He is unstable. We never know when he is going to kiss one of us or try to crawl in our laps. We know this image is hard to look at but we thought America should know the truth about this dangerous dog. - Oscar’s Family

Anaconda

rotatingfloor:

no really im serious nicki minaj repurposing a song about the male view of sexual climate into a destigmatized anthem of championing your own sexuality is the biggest thing to happen in the world of music in this century. im not joking this is the best song made in like hundreds of years